Technology has changed the way people date but it isn’t always for the good. While there’s no denying that texting makes it easier to flirt and get the courage to spark up that conversation, it has also made it significantly more difficult to create chemistry. Relationship experts say that this is because voice interactions offer a level of intimacy that text messages do not. Unfortunately, the lack of intimacy can cause relationships to end much quicker, regardless of how hot and steamy those first couple of texts may be. But that doesn’t mean that you have to forgo texting in order to create undeniable chemistry, you just have to learn how to text when it comes to creating that intimate bond that eventually transmutes into long-lasting love.
The Golden Rules of Texting When Dating
There have always been rules to dating; they’ve just slightly changed with technology. For example, you may recall the “let the phone ring three times before answering” rule, which was a go-to rule before cell phones took over. And although people are no longer making phone calls to ask for a date (one-third of daters ask via text as they say it is less intimidating than a call), there are still some rules to follow. In fact, some may even argue that the rules for texting when dating are even more crucial than any of the rules prior, as text messages can quickly get messy. To make sure your dating/texting game is on point, let’s go over the golden rules of texting when dating and trying to create chemistry.
You Can Text First, But Not First
This texting rule sounds about as confusing as dating is in general, but it’s actually quite simple. When it comes to initial contact, the man should be the first to text to show interest and perhaps even a couple of times afterwards. Now, that’s not to say that the female can’t ever text first. In fact, quite the opposite is recommended as never texting first can give him the wrong impression and make it seem like you aren’t interested. However, do let the man take the lead most of the time. As a rule of thumb, if he has initiated the last two conversations, you should start the next.
Now that you’re probably overthinking it, stop yourself right there. If you’re counting how many times he has started the conversation vs. how many times you have, you’re reading too far into it. Go with the flow, while keeping a very slight eye on who initiates the most convos.
Emojis Are Good… Sometimes
Everyone loves a good emoji. They play an important role in texting and can help you portray the message, vibe, emotion, etc. that you want to achieve, which is key since tone can easily be misinterpreted via text. For example, I’m sure we can all relate to sending a silly, sarcastic text that was portrayed as snarky or aggressive by the recipient. You know what could have prevented these situations? An emoji!
So, use them as you deem fit. Just be sure not to use them excessively.
Reciprocate The Same Effort
Okay, this rule is a big one: text according to the effort he is putting into his texts. For example, if he’s sending you a “Hey, wyd?” after ghosting you for the last day, don’t respond with an overly detailed, wordy text. Give him the same level of effort – “Not much. You?” You never want a man to think that you’re just sitting there waiting for his text or that he can put half-ass effort and still get your full attention. Make him make an effort. You are worth it!
Pay Attention To Texting Times
Now, another thing you want to pay attention to is the time of day that he is sending these low-effort texts. If it’s late at night, he may be looking for a booty call and not a relationship. Does he go MIA during the daytime? Or for days on end. Or does he shoot you a good morning text or message you asking you how your day is going on his lunch break? Pay attention. These little details will tell you exactly what he’s looking for or how much effort he’s willing to put in. And again, your level of effort should always match his.
Response Time Matters
Okay, this is a tricky one that I’m sure many people struggle with. You don’t want to respond to all texts immediately, as it can appear like you’re sitting around just waiting for him to message you. However, you also don’t want to take hours or days to respond, as they can look like you’re not really interested. It’s all about finding a good balance.
As a general rule of thumb, try to text back within the hour most of the time. If you’re out enjoying a day with your friends, don’t worry about meeting this deadline. Live your life, girl. Text when you get around to it. Otherwise, aim to respond within the first hour… IF he also typically responds within the hour. Remember, match that effort!
Sexting is a No-No… At First
Sexy text messages can be a fun way to build up that sexual tension and chemistry. However, sexting too early on in the game is going to get his mind on one thing, and only one thing. While there is definitely a time and place for it, sending nudes, asking for provocative photos or even feeding into his sexual advances via text probably aren’t going to give you the result you’re looking for.
This can change once a genuine connection has formed though. But you will want to be careful about sending pictures of your naked body, consent and respect… As should he. If he’s sending you D pics randomly and out of context, that could be a red flag to pay attention to.
Don’t Play Games
There was once a time when head games were seen as a positive thing in relationships. Spoiler alert: all of those relationships have since failed. There is absolutely nothing positive about playing with someone’s mind or emotions. While it may work as a short-term tactic, this approach always backfires. It’s cruel, unauthentic and always comes back around to bite you in the butt. Healthy texting habits are absolutely imperative to creating a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
With that said, you’ll always want to stay true to yourself. Be who you are. Don’t shy away from showing your personality. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t deserve you.
Dating has always been a challenge. I mean, it’s a strange thing to do, regardless of whether your initial contact is in person, via text or via swipe. But love can be found digitally and there are many successful relationships that begin with a text. The key is to know how to text to build that bond and chemistry that can often lack from this form of communication. With these golden rules, you can put your texting skills to the test – and in a way that is going to give you the final result that you want, which is a long-lasting, successful, healthy relationship.
