Getting Back With Your Ex: What You Should and Should Not Do

There are few things that feel as terrible as a broken heart, but just because you and your ex have broken up doesn’t mean that it’s game over. Even if things have turned completely sour between the two of you, the breakup was tumultuous, or things seem irreparable, there are many things you can do to increase your chances of getting back together with your ex. And no, you don’t have to change who you are or what you want in a relationship. However, you do have to do some deep thinking and determine what the best thing will be for you.

getting back with your ex

Activate The No Contact Rule

Rule no. 1: don’t contact your ex. There are many reasons why this tip is absolutely imperative for successfully getting your ex back. Some relationship and dating coaches explain that it comes down to psychology, whereas others explain it comes down to ego. Whatever it is, activate the no contact rule for a minimum of 30 days. By doing so, you’ll immediately send signals to your ex that you aren’t just waiting around for their beck and call, which will heighten their curiosity.

Additionally, overwhelming your ex with phone calls and text messages can send the message that your relationship is toxic with a lack of respect. On the other hand, it could only leave you more upset when your ex doesn’t pick up the phone or reply to your text messages – or worse, reiterate that it’s over when they do respond. So, let things sizzle down before you reach out.

Avoid Posting About Your Relationship Online

With emotions running high, it can be tempting to share how you’re feeling or what you’re going through online. Unfortunately, while it’s completely acceptable to express yourself, the internet isn’t always the best place for it. Not only do you risk appearing petty or desperate, posting negatively about your ex or the breakup online can completely destroy your chances of getting back together.

And yes, this rule still exists even if your ex is in the wrong. As a rule of thumb, remember that posting negatively about your ex on social media says more about you than about them. Negativity attracts negativity. Invest your time and energy in positive aspects that can improve the situation.

Live Your Best Life – And Share It on Social

The best thing you can do after a relationship that also piques your ex’s interest is to live your life. This can be one of the most challenging things to do because you are dealing with the heartache of a breakup. However, the quicker you can jump up and get back to living your happy life, the better. This signals to your ex that you aren’t sitting at home crying and just waiting for them to contact you (even if you secretly are). This tip can help in many ways, as it sends your ex a message, and it also gets you back up on your feet.  So, even if you have to force yourself to go out with your friends and have a good time, this one tip can drastically change the way you feel, which can also change the way your ex feels about the failed relationship. So, show off your best side – the sides that made your ex fall in love with you in the first place. Start a new hobby, take off on a weekend road trip with some friends, head to the salon for a makeover that revitalizes your confidence and turns heads.  

Figure Out What You Really Want

Inarguably, the most important tip for getting your ex back is to first figure out what you really want. Heartbreaks are incredibly painful, and they can trick us into thinking we want to go back to what we know is familiar, even if we know that familiarity isn’t good for us. So, before you do anything else, give yourself time to figure out what it is that you really want from your ex and from the relationship. This will help you out moving forward, especially if you do decide that you want to repair things with your ex, as it gives you the insight needed to get what you want. Otherwise, you run the risk of re-sparking the relationship and all of the bad habits that brought things to a halt in the first place. Ask yourself what needs to change to be happier together? Is there something missing? Don’t forget to also think about what your ex’s complaints were in the relationship, and whether or not there is a solution for them.

Don’t Play Games

No matter what anyone tells you, manipulative tactics and head-games are not the way you want to get back together with your ex. While they may work for the time being, using these types of techniques builds your “new” relationship on a negative foundation that is likely to come back around and kick you in the butt. Value yourself enough to be the bigger person and to do things ethically. This will show your ex that your desire to repair the relationship is in your best interest, even if that means letting go of toxic or learned behaviors you’ve used in the past. No, we’re not saying it’s your fault. We’re just saying that head games hurt and rarely result in healthy, long-term love.

Take advice from friends with a grain of salt

If you were to ask 100 people for their advice on getting back with an ex, you’d receive 100 different responses. When you receive dating and relationship advice from friends, co-workers, and family members, you are getting advice based on their experiences. And unless they have a psychology degree or are working as a professional dating and relationship coach, much of this advice should probably be avoided. Not only is it unbiased and unspecific to your situation, but the advice we receive from our closest friends and relatives, or by scrolling through Instagram isn’t always proper or healthy. And the wrong advice can completely deter your efforts of trying to repair things with your ex. So, if you are receiving advice from your loved ones, remember to take it with a grain of salt. They could very well be giving you advice that will benefit you, but the advice could also be skewed by their own struggles and perspective.

Things You Will Need To Get Back With An Ex

If you want to get back together with your ex, you have to figure out if the relationship is realistically capable of being repaired. This requires many things, such as:

  • Willingness to work (your ex doesn’t need to have this right away but eventually)
  • Trust in the other person
  • Healthy communication skills
  • A desire to improve or change things for the better
  • Solutions that can repair the relationship issues
  • Professional dating and relationship guidance (optional but super helpful)

At the end of the day, only you and your ex can determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving. If there are several negative components that led to the breakup in the first place, perhaps going through the heartache now will save you plenty of pain in the future. In the best-case scenario, this is a small hiccup that can be repaired with some expert relationship guidance. But worst-case scenario, there are always things you can do to better yourself and your relationships moving forward, whether it’s with your current ex or something different.

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