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  BULLETIN BOARD
* help, i got AS
stefan (13 Oct 2005 20:00)
Hello

im gonna tell you all a story of my life and living with AS.. my grammar skills is awful so bare with me..

im 24yo i live in Denmark in a city called Esbjerg.. i was officialy diagnosed with AS in january and it all started when i was around 10yo in elementary school..

i changed schools alot in my young days mostly because we moved alot but in the same city though.. i never had any friends in those schools reason is ofcourse because i kept for myself constantly.. i never let anyone in and i think it was because i didnt like the school.. as long as i can remember ive despised schools i just cant stand being there its probably because the massive amount of children there and it just freaks me out (this was prior me being 10yo) when i reached 10yo i switched to a new school Sædding Skole (same city) i started irritatin the teachers and get thrown outside and it was more of a success for me since the children thought it was hilarious and thats where i started getting my first friends not alot of friends but still enough i could handle..

I kept on irritating the teachers and it soon got me in trouble as i was sent to a child psychologist where they first thought i had ADHD so i was send to a school for problematic children where i was for almost a year.. i came home and was put in another school but because of the grade of school work i got from the other school for problematic children i was bumped down one grade and i absolutly hated that so i decided to never show up in school. my parents then decided that i should attend a bordingschool the next year.. i didnt like it at first but i started making friends really fast and soon i was actually friends with the entire school which is really rare with AS children and there was around 80 kids in that school.. i think it was because i lived there and it like that would be safe to talk to them or something i dunno.. it was much easier for me so i finished school there and i was free kinda.

so know after the bording school and me being home again my dad was contacted by another child psyc and told him about this new thing called Aspergers Syndrom
and according to my tests back in the day that it looked like i had that so i was brought back in for further tests.

we never finished the tests but i still have a report saying i have AS this was when i was 15yo..

after this we moved to another city.. i never got any friends there and i absolutly hated it.. i wanted to live in the city i grew up in and nowhere else than there.. we lived there for a couple of years then moved again to another city.. closer to my home city so i was ok happy.

i got on welfare at that time and worked at a factory of some sort which i didnt like because everyone there was older than me.. i was forcing myself to stay there as long as i could which made me depressed alot.. finally i got offered a job at an airport moving luggage carts around the airport. i kinda liked this job since i was working alone but the thing i didnt like was that it was from 4am to 10am usualy in frost and snow as it was during winter. i soon quit as i got bored with it dunno why probably lack of interest.. the money i got from that job i used on my computer and i was hooked.. i could wake up in the mornings and play on my computer, eat and sleep again. that was more or less my schedule for the day.. then at summertime one of my friends from Sædding Skole contacted me asking me if i would like to come with him and one other guy to spain in his moms house down there and i did.. one thing i suggest for both kids and adults is if they get the chance to go abroad on vacation then do it.. i absolutely loved it.. it was the best time of my life. i was there for a month and i got friends down there and a girlfriend also i was in heaven ^^

after this it all went back to the usual.. me being back in a city i didnt like away from my home city and i started getting depressed again..

then i decided to move to my home city to live with my younger brother (i have 4 younger brothers and no sisters, only me with AS) i loved being back in my home city as i feel more safe there but now i had to make some money which was a problem cuz i didnt like working with people (this was a job a social worker offered me) i denied the job and told her about my condition and she ignored it and gave me another thing to do so i could get welfare.. i got offered a new appartment which i took as i would leave my brother so he could get some privacy for once ^^ 6 months past and the social worker contacted me again and said that they cut my welfare with 20% because i denied their joboffer but i had explained my condition and they even had the report from the child psyc so i went to another psychologist and they said i had another thing which was Skizoid and i still dont know what it is..

now i got mad and i wanted answer so i contacted a psykiatrist and i was finaly diagnosed with AS and it was now official and it only took them 15 years to make it official.. now im 24yo and i dont know what to do.. the social workers have given up on me and im just sitting here alone in my appartment staring at a computerscreen all day long the friends i got is in the partying age.. go out in town get drunk and do whatever.. but i have this huge problem.. i get petrified of going into pubs and places like that.. i dont know what it is.. anxiety or just sheer panic. all i know is that actually get sick when ive been in a pub feber and shaking.. im in this age where i want to start a family and i can feel it.. i dont want to be alone cuz i hate it, i need help but there is noone in this city that knows what i can do.. im desperate.. if anyone has the slightest idea what i can do now or have experience in what to do then please write to me i would really really appreciate it

i hope anyone wants to read this cuz this is a real accomplisment from my part since ive never made an essay or letter my whole life :)

ReplyReply
* Hey Stefan
Sally Smith (2 Mar 2006 20:06)
I am sorry that you feel so desperate. Well done in writing the (long!) letter. I know it can't have been easy.

I don't have AS, but my husband does. We only found out about Andy's AS about 6 months ago. He's 37. AS can be tough. Don't worry that you can't do the party/pub thing. You don't have to. And the more anxious you are about it, the worse it will feel. You need to relax. Why not use the computer to meet people on-line (maybe a dating agency, or something) and get to know someone before you meet them. It might make it easier...... You say that no one in your city knows how to help you, but have you looked on-line to see if there are support groups for people with AS in your area? Most of the groups near us are for parents who's children have AS. Not much good when you're grown! But as it is often hereditary, some of those parents may have it themselves. It's worth mailing to find out.

Don't be sad that the social workers have given up on you. It sounds as though they don't know what they are doing anyway! It's not your fault that they're bad at their job!! But it makes me angry that you have suffered because of their mistakes. Could you get some further education on-line? Look into it! My husband works with computers. He says it's like getting paid to do a hobby! He does work for a fairly large company, but as he does problem solving he largely works by himself. It suits him.

I do hope that maybe some of this has helped. You need to remember that you are valuable and special. I tell Andy that God made him just how he is. The AS wasn't a mistake. And lots of good things are linked to AS, like honesty, loyalty, dependability. I was attracted to him because of the AS! I hope you find happiness. Best wishes.

ReplyReply
* hello Sally
Stefan (2 Mar 2006 23:39)
thank you for ur reply, i was starting to think noone was gonna read this :)

Im registered on loads of dating sites but no luck there.. waste of money..

sure there are sites where u can get an education online but theyre all in countries except the one im in :s so thats no good.

ive scouted around after some support groups but there are none.

i love computers and id love to have a job in that area but it has to be within my interests.. which is games only :s so that means i have to get an education and well :s



ReplyReply
* me again
Sally Smith (3 Mar 2006 12:51)
Yeah, I know what you mean about thinking you won't get a reply! I put a message up around the same time as you, and no one answered for ages! Eventually someone did, but only the one. :0|

If there absolutely is nothing out there to help, why not try starting your own support group on-line? You could set up a web site yourself. There MUST be other people in your city feeling the same as you, struggling with the same issues. Maybe this way you get to help yourself and others too?

Do any of your friends have other interests besides parties and pubs? Is there anything you feel you could join in with? Even getting someone over to have a beer and play some computer games would make you feel less isolated.

Andy's very into walking and keeping fit by running and working out. All of which he can do by himself!! Anything like that interest you? When you're indoors all day, you need to take care that you don't get depressed on top of everything else. Eat well. Get some sunshine, even if it's just a walk to the shop! Exercise. If you feel better you'll get a bit of confidence back. Do I sound like a mother?? I am one!!! But seriously, it's important to look after yourself.

Maybe then you could enroll on a course at a college near you? Your experience will be very different to when you were at school, as you are all adults now. You might find you like it better. Also, if you explain your diagnosis, the college may have some extra support they can offer you?

Hope this helps!


ReplyReply
* Hello Stefan
Carol from Canada (15 Sep 2006 21:45)
Hi Stefan,

I am so pleased t read your letter about your life! It helps me to better understand my adult daughter who is 28.

Guess what? I had never even heard of Asperger's until last week! I saw a documentary on the TV and everything that the parents and kids said described my daughter Jenny. I looked it up on the Internet and learned a LOT. It's a wonderful relief to me to finally know and understand why my darling girl is the way she is. I haven't been able to understand why she thinks her life has been so hard. Now I think I get it. She has a twin sister who doesn't have AS and that doesn't help, because everything always came easy for her sister and hard for her. I'm getting a better idea of new ways I can communicate with her.

How are you doing now? Are things getting any better?

Best regards,
Carol, near Vancouver, Canada

ReplyReply
* Hello Carol
Stefan (16 Sep 2006 3:10)
thx for the reply..

happy to help :)

as it's almost a year ago since i wrote the letter id say my life has improved a little.. gotten some more friends, more satisfaction about myself because of doing some daily workout.. it really gets the mood up..

still havent gotten a job and im still on welfare (sigh)

but besides that im doing fine

ReplyReply
* Thanks for your email!
Carol (16 Sep 2006 3:50)
It's very nice to hear from you, and so quickly too. I'm glad to hear that things are a little better for you. Things can sometimes get overwhelming and it's probably a good idea to just take baby steps and not try to do everything all at once.

My daughter Jenny is always 'stressed out' she says. I could never understand what she has to be stressed out about, but now that I'm aware of her AS, I understand.

Her friends really love her, but they say they need to take breaks from her every now and again because she can be very needy and sad. It wears her friends out. I think if Jenny would accept that she is an 'Aspie', she could explain it to her friends and they would understand her better too. She doesn't think she has AS. She has had boyfriends, two relationships that lasted 2 years each, but the boys broke up with her because they couldn't handle her dark moods any more. Poor thing, her heart is always being broken.

My son who is now 30 says he has some Aspie traits but not nearly as many as Jenny has. He is in a computer programmer job where he is mostly by himself and he really likes it. He took a 10 month computer programming course, and it only took him 3 months to complete it! He has an amazing memory. He spent the rest of the 7 months helping his professor write new curriculum! He's been working in his job for about 6 years now. He's also married to a wonderful girl and they have a 10 month old baby daughter.

Are you eligible to go back for some counselling? The doctors must be more up to date on Asperger's by now. Maybe they can give you some really good ideas to get things happening career-wise in your life.

Well, I'm happy to hear that your're basically doing fine. I'm cheering for you!!

Take care,
Carol

ReplyReply
* Hi
Stefan (16 Sep 2006 12:34)
My longest relationship was 4 months and that was 10 years ago.. so her having a 2 year relationship with someone and he breaks up will always break her heart.. its like that with everyone aspie or not.. its part of life.. sadly i cant relate to that at all since ive never been in love and dont know the feeling.. i can only talk from my friends point of view..

I did contact some psyc the other day trying to see if they found something now about AS that might be useful to me but they had nothing..

id really love it if u could contact me on MSN Messenger.. its a little easier for me to write back and try helping as good as i can

my mail there is stefan_mkay@hotmail.com

ReplyReply
*
(25 Jun 2008 22:43)
being in a sunny climate helps people who suffer from depression. it gives you a sunny outlook on life. try moving.
if you dont like working with people try to get a job where you still get to see people but you dont have to interact too much (eg postman, delivery man) or go on a computer course and see if you can get one of those jobs where you can work from home.
it would be good for you to socialise and have friends- try joining a computer club. or find a hobby where you could share your interests with other likeminded people. look in local newspapers and internet to find any groups, activities or societys you might want to join. dont stay in your flat-it will just make things worse. try socialising with ur siblings friends (eg having coffee at a quiet coffee bar).or family friends and maybe your social circle may grow
i have an asd daughter and the thought that maybe one day she might have similar problems makes me feel sad.

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